004; letter.
Aug. 13th, 2015 01:20 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
kitty_of_lightY'shtola is worried about me, too.
The first thing she asked me when we were alone was "You miss him, don't you?" And...I wanted to say yes, I still want to say yes, but I couldn't...I just didn't answer. I guess she thought I was too sad to say anything, because she got all distant and looked at the floor while apologising to me, telling me she really tried her hardest to save you, telling me that maybe there's still hope because no one's found your body - I do have to admit, that made me a little...nervous, I think? I suddenly felt a little lightheaded, and I got that kind of fluttery feeling in my stomach. The thought of maybe being able to find you...would I get my memories back if I did?
But I'm getting off the subject...
I put my hand on her shoulder and told her it wasn't her fault. Then I told her the truth: I don't remember. Not a thing. It's all gone; even that wind-up doll isn't the least little bit familiar to me.
She just stared at me for a little while. I thought she was going to cry.
But she didn't. She sat me down and we talked for...I don't even know how long. She's good at helping me recall tiny details, actually; I didn't realise till she pressed me about it that I know exactly when the memories vanished. When that tunnel caved in, when I turned back at the sound, something...snapped, I suppose. I now remember feeling a sensation like someone had given an electric shock to my mind. I think that has to be the moment.
When we were done talking, she hugged me for a minute and then told me:
"His name is Thancred. Do you remember that?"
...I felt absolutely horrible having to tell her no again.
She's pretty convinced it'll all come back, though. The spell she cast - at least, she thinks this is the problem - was large enough that I was on the fringes of it when it went off, and it disrupted the aetheric balance within me. She's looking into ways to undo what she did, I guess she thinks it's her fault, even though I keep telling her it isn't.
I hope she's right, though. I hope it all comes back.
Thancred...I'll keep saying your name to myself, and hoping I'll remember.
The first thing she asked me when we were alone was "You miss him, don't you?" And...I wanted to say yes, I still want to say yes, but I couldn't...I just didn't answer. I guess she thought I was too sad to say anything, because she got all distant and looked at the floor while apologising to me, telling me she really tried her hardest to save you, telling me that maybe there's still hope because no one's found your body - I do have to admit, that made me a little...nervous, I think? I suddenly felt a little lightheaded, and I got that kind of fluttery feeling in my stomach. The thought of maybe being able to find you...would I get my memories back if I did?
But I'm getting off the subject...
I put my hand on her shoulder and told her it wasn't her fault. Then I told her the truth: I don't remember. Not a thing. It's all gone; even that wind-up doll isn't the least little bit familiar to me.
She just stared at me for a little while. I thought she was going to cry.
But she didn't. She sat me down and we talked for...I don't even know how long. She's good at helping me recall tiny details, actually; I didn't realise till she pressed me about it that I know exactly when the memories vanished. When that tunnel caved in, when I turned back at the sound, something...snapped, I suppose. I now remember feeling a sensation like someone had given an electric shock to my mind. I think that has to be the moment.
When we were done talking, she hugged me for a minute and then told me:
"His name is Thancred. Do you remember that?"
...I felt absolutely horrible having to tell her no again.
She's pretty convinced it'll all come back, though. The spell she cast - at least, she thinks this is the problem - was large enough that I was on the fringes of it when it went off, and it disrupted the aetheric balance within me. She's looking into ways to undo what she did, I guess she thinks it's her fault, even though I keep telling her it isn't.
I hope she's right, though. I hope it all comes back.
Thancred...I'll keep saying your name to myself, and hoping I'll remember.
